So there’s this guy. (Or girl, this is for everybody.) You really like him, like REALLY like him. Y’all have been talking for a couple months, hit it off the bat right away. You don’t know what it is, but you guys just clicked. No awkward stage or nothing. You guys have hung out together, kissed a few times, hey maybe even went further.
You’re really feeling this relationship…except…you’re not sure if it’s a relationship. You’re not sure what it is at all! At this point, it’s a bit embarrassing every time your friends ask if y’all are together. Because you know if you do say no, they’ll just give you side eye. And if you say yes and it gets back around to him he might be upset. I mean, you’ve told him how you felt about him…but that was weeks ago and it’s just…ugh!
So now you’re totally frustrated, what was such a great and effortless relationship just turned into “it’s complicated” real quick. So does he like you or not? Is he confused? Is it that he wants to take things slow? Is it that, he’s “been hurt so many times before and just don’t know how to trust people?” *rolls eyes* Or is he just on games. Of course, there’s always the possibility that you’re just nuts and overreacting to things, too. (But we all know you ain’t that crazy.)
Each person is different and as much as I believe compiling a short list of signs to know if a guy is playing games or not is a tad bit arrogant to do without actually knowing the person, I do believe that any combination of these are signs for serious reconsideration of this “relationship.”
HE PUTS NO INTEREST
For one, you’re working really hard to make him like you. You’re calling him often, and sending love texts with the heart eyes smiley emoji and the winky emoji and the cute monkey with his eyes covered (you know you don’t just use that for anybody). But it feels like all of a sudden, he’s just unimpressed by anything. The conversations are dull because he doesn’t laugh with you anymore, he doesn’t compliment you as much. It’s like he just doesn’t notice you. Really, you’re wasting your energy. What you should be focusing on is whether or not YOU like him. (And well you do.) But if you have to strive to constantly prove yourself worthy of someone, that ain’t cute. That’s exhausting.
HE PUTS NO EFFORT
On top of not even putting interest in you, he puts no effort! He used to call you on your cell phone late night when he n- You get the point. Now he doesn’t call you, text you, he doesn’t reply to your messages. Yeah we see the blue ticks! He’s always busy. And then you start to feel guilty about it because now you start to feel like a nag and a bother. But let me tell you honey, it doesn’t take more than 10 seconds just for him to send a message saying hi and that he’s busy and he’ll try to message later. No no. It’s not a question about whether he has time. It’s more about whether he has time for YOU. And I guess you’re clearly NOT a priority. You deserve more than that.
HE’S SUCH AN AVID CALLER
Funny thing about that, he never responds to you when you message him, but OF COURSE he knows your number when he needs something, or when he wants to “hang out.” And most of the times when y’all hang out it’s just the two of you. You barely lime with him and his friends anymore. And the conversation, if there’s much of it anyway, can’t go too long without him trying to flirt or touch you. What happened to all the conversations that you guys used to have? And how effortless that was. Did you make that up? Naaahh he just stopped caring.
On top of just the two of you hanging out alone, sometimes he doesn’t even want to go out in public. He just wants to come over by you, or you go over by him. Or if you do get to lime with his friends, he’s hesitant about the way he introduces you. Does he just call your name? Does he say that you’re his friend? Is he blatantly refusing to say the word “girlfriend”? Boy bye. In this case, he might be hiding. He’s either hiding the fact that he’s embarrassed to be with you, or he has a girlfriend and he don’t want either of you finding out about each other. And if you have no problem with this…well then that’s a different article. Anyway, a guy who is serious about you will want to introduce you to his friends and family, and will want to meet yours.
For those of you who don’t know what negging is (because I didn’t know just a few moments ago), it’s technique that basically insecure guys use to keep you down. It’s an insult wrapped in a compliment, for example, “You’re so pretty, but you’d look even better with more makeup,” or “I love your hair but you’d look nicer if it were straight.” In other words, “Im so insecure about myself so I need you to feel insecure because I don’t know how else to make you fall for me and fight to get my approval.” Again, you don’t need to prove your worth to him. you don’t need to fight to get his approval. (And just so you know, this kind of insecurity type thing leads the way for possessiveness and abuse. Just saying.)
HE CONSIDERS YOU LAST RESORT
He always be hitting you up at the last minute. In this case, you most likely wasn’t even his first choice. In that case, somebody must have done cancelled on him. And he calls you because he knows you can’t turn him down. You’ll always say yes to him. And that’s exactly what he likes. If he wasn’t playing games he definitely won’t be waiting until 6:00pm to ask you out for that same night.
In the words of Katy Perry, he’s hot and cold, up and down. One minute he’s so deeply in love, and you mean so much to him and you’re his wifey and then the next minute he’s so distant and standoffish. Like boy you were just on the phone with me two days ago didn’t even want me to hang up. And then when you ask him about it and how he really feels about you he’s evasive. He either gets upset and acts like he’s insulted that you’d even ask the questions, he gives some answer like, “You know how I feel.” And it’s frustrating because you just never get a straight answer. I know some people are shy and it’s hard for them to express emotions, but why is it so easy to express it physically and not verbally? Boy bye. When he’s ready to talk, let him hit you up. You don’t need to be fussing over somebody who isn’t even sure about you.
I think the biggest one with a lot of girls is that he just doesn’t share. Half the information you know about him, you’ve gathered from your lurking. I mean, you tell him everything, your hopes and dreams, your favourite colour, EVERYTHING. And he listens to you. And in the beginning it’s really great because, “Wow, a guy who listens. This is amazing.” But then when you’re finally done ranting about your group project and ask him about his day, he just says, “It was cool.” He barely tells you anything. It was all cool and mysterious, but now it’s just plain annoying.
HE’S A FLIRT
He flirts with EVERY GIRL. You guys always have a great time together. Unless, there are other girls around. Then he turns into mega-flirt machine. And if he at least has SOME respect to not do it in front of you, on one of your lurking sessions, you found out he does in on social media. And by now you’ve probably spoken to him about it (if you haven’t, please do), and he’ll just deny it saying, “I was just being nice”, “That is just how I talk”, “You know me, I would never do that on purpose”, “I was just playing you know it’s only you I want. Smh. It ain’t worth it.
The most important thing is to never play into these mind games. Don’t try to force yourself to get him to like you. If a guy likes you then he likes you, you shouldn’t have to make him do it. If he doesn’t call you for weeks at a time, then don’t call him. You’ll see how fast he calls you. And don’t be afraid to let the phone ring or to say no to him when he wants something. If he’s flirting with other girls, or hiding stuff from you, then just plainly ask him about it. Be tactful and respectful in your approach. Look out for evasiveness. And if you realised that you’ve reached the point of absolute frustration in this ‘relationship’ then leave. You don’t need to be there and no he doesn’t need you either. You may be thinking that you’re the only one to get through to him, and he has all these problems going on and you want to be there for him. Well guess what? You’re not his mother and you’re not his therapist.
You teach people how you want to be treated. And if you constantly reinforce his bad behaviour (e.g. I always buy him food, or call him and text him to find out how he’s going, but he just never even replies to me), then you’re increasing the likelihood his behaviour to be reoccurring.
But for every guy who’s a player/gamer/scammer/cheater, there’s another guy who is courteous, gorgeous, AND into you! You don’t need to settle for this. Yes, see the good in people. Get to know them, understand who they are, but you don’t need to be in a relationship. Don’t let them keep you back from who you should be with.