I want you to repeat after me, ‘Monogamy isn’t realistic’. Yup, you heard me.
Whether you agree or disagree, if you were to still ask all sorts of people of all walks of life, you might find that wide varying answers, very different from yours, proving that monogamy really isn’t as black and white as you may expect it to be. But then again nothing really is.
First of all, some of you might be thinking, what is monogamy? Well according to the Oxford English Dictionary, it is described as the state of having only one spouse or sexual partner at any one time, being derived from the term monogamous which comes from the Greek words, monos meaning single and gamous meaning marriage. Which seems straightforward enough right? Well it is. But when compared to the sexually active youths and adolescents of our time, we see a wide array of perspectives and views on the matter that go beyond traditional thinking and a simple for or against. So is Monogamy really practical in this day and age?
Now where ever your morals lie on the subject is entirely up to you, which is simply saying that as far as one should be concerned; there simply isn’t any right and wrong way about it. And I do have my very particular view about it and I stay steadfast to my principles. But in a society and culture where our people vary so much, I don’t expect most to share my same beliefs. So knowing this, I try to at least understand the different views of others as much as possible.
So I present again my key focus, ‘is monogamy realistic?’ And I am directing this to everyone. Do you seek a partner with the purpose of spending your life with or not? Are you comfortable with having more than one partners? Or if you are you already in a relationship that is monogamous or non-monogamous?
I am sure to get diverse amount responses going far beyond a simple ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ with of course diverse reasons which can steam from either personal morals, religious views, social and cultural influences, or just simply out of one’s circumstance and personal conditioning.
Either way, most of you will find it hard to understand this with a different attitude from you. But if we were to dig deeper within others and even ourselves, we might find sound reasoning that can shed light on the viewpoint of others.
For example, a person with a strong religious moral might choose to find life long partners for marriage i.e. courting. Even at very young ages it is not uncommon to find boys and girls might scope out to find their ideal life partner who may also share strong religious, nothing bizarre about this, happens more often than you think. As those with similar intentions often tend to find each other, some easier than others. Another classic example is the “Gabriella and Troy” couple you’ve known and loathed since form 1. Always together always lovey dovey, nothing can get in between them, practically the invincible couple, most likely to get married, have 20 kids and stay together forever. Even without strong religious principles and even if this was never their intention at first, they may have found things within each other which could never interest them in others and therefore have decided within themselves to never get tired of each other, which to onlookers can be both cutesy and or painfully annoying. But don’t even get me started, that’s another discussion right there.
Now this may be ideal for some of you, but it isn’t for everyone. Cause for reasons, some, who may possess the ability to mesh and gel their personalities and souls with others and who are just super compatible by nature to anyone to the extent that they can easily choose to establish intimate connections with those whom they wish and fancy, without long periods of relationships needed. And or those too whose will and mental are strong enough that they can enjoy the company of multiple partners without the risk of emotional remorse and guilt, may find it easier to choose to stay non-monogamous. And trust me; you don’t have to look very far to find such lucky individuals. They are called by many names and statuses: ‘Wet-Men’, ‘Swagger-Bosses’, ‘Loose-gyals’ and so forth and so on.
And as much as the shared percentage of society might want to look down and shun such behaviours and life styles, no matter how you may want to look at it, be that from a shared religious perspective or a cultural one, it cannot be denied that for most, it is simply just a large part of who they are and what they feel and what they are comfortable with.
No matter what is their view, doing what you love and feel most comfortable with is the right of any and every human being, even if only being with one partner simply doesn’t cut it.
So, we’ve examined those are monogamous and those who are non-monogamous. But it isn’t just two sides of a coin, but a spectrum and there does exist an in between where intimate relationships can be decided and based off of circumstances and various exceptions where the matter is concerned. But because the possibilities are endless, it might be too much to explain in just one sitting, but just know that Monogamy doesn’t have to be a strict Yes or No. That it is okay and acceptable to mix and match and experiment and adjust to whatever makes you comfortable and most importantly, happy.
Of course I have my own ideal opinion on the matter, which is more or less an example of compromise, and I’ve shaped this principle and made it my own to suit my own needs, and I don’t mind at all giving a small description of it.
Note my intention isn’t to change or challenge the beliefs of anyone; giving insight is my only objective, because only with this we can strive to become a more understanding and tolerant people of the present and future. And I really believe that examining all the angles of this discussion can prove to be beneficial to those who may be confused or unaware to the choices and possibilities that might lead to them to finding and acquiring more satisfying relationships by being comfortable with their decision and themselves.
So now I’d like to share with you all my view. When it comes to looking for a partner or assessing someone whom I’d like to be with, I always do so with the intention of staying with them forever, that if it could be helped (till death or infidelity do us part), I would like to spend the rest of my life with whoever I am with and of course they must feel the same way. Now my resolve on this is absolute and unwavering. I cannot see myself doing anything else (which I have honestly tried and didn’t work out, but is a story for another time).
However, and this is just a possibility, but as with everything, there are pros and cons and I like to deduce them from the get go and I try to be realistic and fair by examining every possibility and preparing for them. In the instance that either my partner or I might happen to desire the brief company of another person, I would like to prepare for this and sort it out reasonably. And I stress that this is only a possibility, but if it does happen I won’t get angry or feel guilt for it; It is perfectly natural to desire or be attracted to individuals other than your mate. So me personally, after careful consideration and reflection, I would not mind if we both agree to satisfy these feelings in honest and healthy ways. We can come to a mutual agreement between ourselves even if we have to involve a third-party member, to which to most of you this might seem way off or weird maybe even unacceptable and that’s okay, but this is how I personally see it fit to handle the issue without the need for argument, break up, cheating and sneaking and lying. And it can show that we have a certain amount of trust for each other.
I won’t say anything more on it, I wouldn’t want to give away too much or write any more for the fear that this turns R-rated or something.(^w^)
But if it is anything, I wouldn’t mind going into detail on some of the things that we may have uncovered in this discussion in the near future, whether it may be your opinions or mine.
So I do hope that you appreciate this and that I may incite insightful and thoughtful thinking and understanding of people you may come across, whether it is you meet them and observe their relationships, or that you find them while searching for your relationship.
So is Monogamy realistic? It really doesn’t matter. It should just be a basis by which you can set your standards in finding someone. So use it as a guide. You can reflect from within yourself the things you are comfortable with and the things you are willing to do and how you wish to connect with person or persons.
Your ideal is what you make of it; it really is up to you. But just know that as long as you’re making yourself happy, it can never be wrong.
So yeah, this is my very first article for Teen-link. I’m not really sure how these things work and I was super nervous when I asked Boss for the position as writer. I wasn’t sure if my topics would be suitable for a Teen Magazine. But I really wanted to appeal to those serious thinkers out there and with the support of my friends, Boss, and Microsoft Word 2007; I was able to complete my very first piece with confidence. And I hope to gain your support and to stick around long enough to see myself and all this grow into something really outstanding. So thanks to all for reading. Again, I’m not really sure how this works. I hope to be writing more for you and I’m looking forward to working with Teen-link. So please be kind to me and thank you.